The Squirrels Are Taking Over

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Scrooge Moments
Back in 2004 on my Blatherings, I posted about Scrooge Moments. I revisit the post every so often, especially around the winter holiday season, in case it helps others:

The red balloon

Since my mother died and especially since my brother and his wife died, Christmas has never been the greatest time of the year for me.

The insistent Christmas carols piped into shopping malls, the glitter and party atmosphere, the increased barrage of BUYBUYBUY...I get cranky, resentful, impatient of the crowds. Deep down, I know that part of this Scroogelike attitude is because of the ache left behind by personal losses, bittersweet memories of past holiday seasons, but this knowledge doesn't help.

Read the rest on Blatherings.

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My mother died last February, so this is my first Christmas without her. I was taken by surprise by just how much I didn't want to participate in Christmas this year. It was almost as if I was 2 years old, kicking my heels and screaming "I don't wanna, I Don't Wanna, I DON'T WANNA!!!" And this wasn't particularly linked to crowds and shopping malls and such. Even in the very private setting of shopping online from home I still felt a tremendous resistance to participating.

I thought I had gotten pretty much through the grieving process over the past 10 months, but there's something about The Holidays that can really bring it out. The Hospice that helped make her final days reasonably comfortable offers Grief Counseling for 13 months after the death. I decided I needed to go in for a few sessions.

There wasn't a whole lot to learn, just that I was going through some very typical things for a person still grieving. But it hopefully will help me eventually put this behind me.

May the memories be mostly of the good time.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother.

*many hugs*

It's wonderful that the Hospice offered grief counseling. Ours didn't.

But I also think that every person grieves in their own way, and there is no one right way to grieve.

I'll be thinking of you as the first year anniversary comes up next month.

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